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− | |<!--1--> | + | |<!--1-->I can't put my finger on it. Something about this [[Fire|‼]]Cat tallow roast[[Fire|‼]] tastes funny. |
− | |<!--2-->Toady | + | |<!--2-->Toady withdraws from society. Toady has begun a [[Strange_mood|mysterious]] construction! |
− | |<!--3--> | + | |<!--3-->Let us never forget the last words of Inod the Stoker, [http://archive.dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Fortress_Paintrag#1056 "Aaah! Gorillas!"] |
− | |<!--4--> | + | |<!--4-->[[Children|Newborn]] Zuglar Baldnessgranite prefers to consume Gorilla. A sure sign of his unparalleled strength! |
− | |<!--5-->[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php | + | |<!--5-->[http://www.somethingawful.com/d/video-game-article/duke-nukem-image.php In an unrelated article] - I had no idea elephants could bounce that high! |
− | |<!--6-->Toady a | + | |<!--6-->[[Toady]] looses a roaring laughter, [[Fey|fell]] and terrible! Toady has butchered a spammer! |
− | |<!--7--> | + | |<!--7-->The critical question is this''':''' do elf bones yield more crossbow bolts than the average number of bolts necessary to kill an elf? |
− | |<!--8-->"Dwarf Fortress" ... " | + | |<!--8-->"Dwarf Fortress" ... "Like chess, only with short people that can catch on [[fire]] like [[clothing|rags]] soaked in tar, and lots of [[booze]]." ... "Like chess." |
− | |<!--9-->Dwarf Fortress | + | |<!--9-->Dwarf Fortress has taught me that all the world's problems would be substantially reduced had our parent civilizations never minted more than four stacks of [[coins]]. |
− | |<!--10--> | + | |<!--10-->[[Booze]] does all the work in forts. Dwarves are just booze exoskeletons. |
− | |<!--11--> | + | |<!--11-->My unconscious and bleeding [[mayor]] just mandated the construction of some goods. |
− | |<!--12--> | + | |<!--12-->I can just imagine a wagon throwing a tantrum and tossing all its contents at people. |
− | |<!--13-->Döbesh Udosdeb a | + | |<!--13-->Döbesh Udosdeb has been ecstatic lately. He was forced to eat a friend to survive. He enjoyed a truly decadent meal. |
− | |<!--14--> | + | |<!--14-->Iron [[screw pump]] exercise equipment. Pump iron and get superdwarvenly strong! |
− | |<!--15--> | + | |<!--15-->The violence, aggression, pain, madness, sadness of the ASCII characters never ceases to amaze me... |
− | |<!--16--> | + | |<!--16-->Wait, you're MAKING animals?<br>—''Torak''<br>At this moment, yes, I am smelting cows.<br>—''Spiders Everywhere'' |
− | |<!--17-->" | + | |<!--17-->"Didn't you read the manual? He he he he... the manual... ..."<br>--[[Toady One]] |
− | |<!--18-->( | + | |<!--18-->(Compared to real-world years) Dwarven years are shorter.<br>--Sowelu<br><br>Very fitting to dwarves, I must add.<br>--Sean Mirrsen |
− | |<!--19--> | + | |<!--19-->[[Magma]] is not a [[water]] source. Dwarves can't drink it or supply it to their wounded.<br>--[[User:AlienChickenPie|AlienChickenPie]] |
− | |<!--20-->" | + | |<!--20-->"<nowiki>[B]</nowiki>oats are the enemy of tiles. And tiles are the enemy of boats."<br>--[[Toady One]] |
|<!--21-->"I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example."<br>--[[Toady One]] | |<!--21-->"I went through and fixed a few places where forbidden/on fire weren't being respected for next time. Burning milkable creatures were still a problem for example."<br>--[[Toady One]] | ||
− | |<!--22-->"You | + | |<!--22-->"You have been processed! Go forth, now, and edit!"<br>--[[User:Savok|Savok]] |
− | |<!--23-->"What | + | |<!--23-->"What happened in 1048?" "Jreengus occurred." |
− | |<!--24--> | + | |<!--24-->Making rock instruments isn't nearly as awesome as it sounds --Shandrunn |
− | |<!--25--> | + | |<!--25-->The cyclops I was quested to kill had a thousand year history of badassery, and all of that without the leg it lost in the Year 3 (a dwarf bit it off... I should probably deal with that). --[[Toady One]] |
− | |<!--26-->[FIREIMMUNE] | + | |<!--26-->[FIREIMMUNE] makes them think that [[magma]] is safe but doesn't actually make them fireproof. This can lead to some rather interesting results. |
− | |<!--27-->Endok Cerolneth a | + | |<!--27-->Endok Cerolneth has begun a mysterious construction! |
− | Endok Cerolneth, | + | Endok Cerolneth, Planter has given birth to a girl. |
− | |<!--28-->"Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." " | + | |<!--28-->"Incendia sunt socia vestra, armaque vestra, fortesque Montis Domi." "Magma is your ally, your weapon, the strength of the Mountain-Home." --Eita |
− | |<!--29-->" | + | |<!--29-->"Stopped people from giving quests to kill themselves." --[[Toady One]] |
− | |<!--30-->"... | + | |<!--30-->"...And I simply doubt we have a need for 7 fishery workers. On top of that, a second soap maker. The hell IS soap?!" --Zero |
− | |<!--31-->" | + | |<!--31-->"This is a terrible pun. All craftsdwarfship is of the poorest quality." - [http://tinyurl.com/6yruly Soup_alex] |
− | |<!--32-->" | + | |<!--32-->"The default mental state of a dwarf is madness. Sanity is a temporary condition - a PRIVILEGE you have to EARN!" --[[User:Fedor|Fedor]] |
− | |<!--33-->" | + | |<!--33-->"Why get normal cats? I buy lolcats in the embark screen. Much more fun to engrave about them." --Yanlin |
− | |<!--34-->"Dwarf Fortress | + | |<!--34-->"Dwarf Fortress taught me it was okay to make a suit out of my neighbour's skin, as long as I gave it a name." |
|<!--35-->"Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]] | |<!--35-->"Got rid of world gen crash during succession after death of prolific long-standing position holders with inbred descendants" --[[Toady One]] | ||
|<!--36-->"There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]] | |<!--36-->"There was a typo in the siegers' campfire code. When the fires went out, so did the game." --[[Toady One]] | ||
− | |<!--37-->" | + | |<!--37-->"Hey, what does that flashing red and orange text mean? What? Why is there smoke everywhere? Oh god, are those BABIES on fire?" --[[User:StrawberryBunny|StrawberryBunny]] |
− | |<!--38-->" | + | |<!--38-->"It's never 'just a game' when you're losing."<br>--George Carlin (if he played Dwarf Fortress) |
− | |<!--39--> | + | |<!--39-->Not that building a bridge out of soap makes much sense to begin with anyway. |
|<!--40-->Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit. | |<!--40-->Note that while you cannot milk larger animals yourself, civilizations can still milk animals "off screen" for your benefit. | ||
− | |<!--41-->Tosid Idenarzes | + | |<!--41-->Tosid Idenarzes likes tentacle demons for their corrupt intentions. "There! Now we've covered all of the seven deadly sins." |
− | |<!--42-->"Litast Idenudesh, | + | |<!--42-->"Litast Idenudesh, baby, is throwing a tantrum! Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has lost consciousness. Inod Litastrilem, Mayor, has bled to death." |
− | |<!--43-->" | + | |<!--43-->"Known bug #780: Town guard becomes a criminal after getting an adventurer's stolen weapon stuck in his body." |
− | |<!--44-->"Udib Toblumaid, | + | |<!--44-->"Udib Toblumaid, Axedwarf, cancels sparring in Barracks: too insane." [[User:Ben jamm1n|Ben jamm1n]] |
− | |<!--45-->Kosoth Cilobonol, | + | |<!--45-->Kosoth Cilobonol, Bone Carver cancels Drink: Unconscious. |
|<!--46-->Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy. | |<!--46-->Sizir the Snail of Bait is a deity of The Fresh Towers. Sizir most often takes the form of a female dwarf and is associated with jealousy. | ||
|<!--47-->Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels. | |<!--47-->Sibrek Tanbim likes Limestone, Tin, Smoky Quartz, the color crimson, bolts, scepters, anvils, and rock blocks for their lack of quality levels. | ||
|<!--48-->Most vermin teleport, so nothing actually contains them. -[[User:Fuzzy|Fuzzy]] | |<!--48-->Most vermin teleport, so nothing actually contains them. -[[User:Fuzzy|Fuzzy]] | ||
− | |<!--49--> | + | |<!--49-->There are 5 articles in category Lore: Armok, Cave Adaptation, Elephant, Philosopher, and Vomit. |
− | |<!--50--> | + | |<!--50-->There is nothing to catch in the magma pipe. |
− | |<!--51-->Bug #563: | + | |<!--51-->Bug #563: mayor ordered himself beaten for failing to make crystal glass objects |
− | |<!--52--> | + | |<!--52-->If cow cheese is made from cow's milk, what is dwarven cheese made of? |
− | |<!--53--> | + | |<!--53-->Bugs are opportunities to cause unprecedented amounts of destruction. --Zorgn |
− | |<!--54-->" | + | |<!--54-->"You know, Urist, you've got a mind like an +Ash Trap+."--[[User:Destor|Destor]] |
|<!--55-->'''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?"<br>'''Yanlin:''' "Magma." | |<!--55-->'''Zander J:''' "Is there a way to stop immigration without setting the population cap?"<br>'''Yanlin:''' "Magma." | ||
|<!--56-->An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls. | |<!--56-->An animal trainer just suddenly stopped working and hid himself in a workshop. He's probably going to make a wardog out of rock and goblin skulls. | ||
− | |<!--57--> | + | |<!--57-->flying creatures give birth in midair, leading to tragedy |
|<!--58-->'''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' <br> Urdim, you are a freaking idiot. | |<!--58-->'''Urdim Kutamèrith, Pump Operator, has created Rakusttenshed, a Glumprong blowgun!''' <br> Urdim, you are a freaking idiot. | ||
− | |<!--59--><Forkez> | + | |<!--59--><Forkez> I don't get the game, but I do get that tunnels flooded with water is a bad thing. |
− | |<!--60-->" | + | |<!--60-->"If you give a dwarf a fire, he will be warm for a night. If you set a dwarf on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life." |
− | |<!--61-->" | + | |<!--61-->"Since the Elves said they won't let me cut down any trees, I bought 50 of their logs instead." |
− | |<!--62--> | + | |<!--62-->Do not make a trading race that breathes fire.<br/><br/>I REPEAT, DON'T!! EVER!! |
− | |<!--63-->Dwarf Fortress : | + | |<!--63-->Dwarf Fortress: Because burning elves are funny. |
− | |<!--64--> | + | |<!--64-->The carp has drowned. |
|<!--65-->There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones. | |<!--65-->There's one thing a dwarf needs, and that's stones. And alcohol... and magma... but mainly stones. | ||
|<!--66-->"I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream." | |<!--66-->"I swear to god once I saw a dwarf who was labeled as being Strong, Very Agile, Very Tough... and ''Clean''. But it was probably just a bad dream." | ||
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|<!--73-->Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG?? | |<!--73-->Look, there are roving clumps of sentient lava outside, ... This isn't going to get better. --PTTG?? | ||
|<!--74-->...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG?? | |<!--74-->...and the only surviving dwarf is a noble who has mandated the construction of crowns and clear glass items to the empty halls. --PTTG?? | ||
− | |<!--75-->Adil Idenlocun | + | |<!--75-->Adil Idenlocun is conflicted: "When possible he prefers to consume purring maggot, Dwarven ale and Dwarven syrup. He absolutely detests purring maggots." |
|<!--76-->"I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One | |<!--76-->"I had to leave just before I tested the dwarf with the boiling gold blood." -- Toady the Great One | ||
|<!--77-->Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately. | |<!--77-->Urdim Zatinod has been quite content lately. She has lost an annoying friend to tragedy lately. | ||
|<!--78-->I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots | |<!--78-->I added two levers. One opens the magma. The other sets free all the cats. --Someone in Headshoots | ||
− | |<!--79-->"As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" | + | |<!--79-->"As Manbaspecut, Human Merchant is stricken by melancholy!" "Muskox has gone stark raving mad!" I think something is wrong with the human caravan... |
}}<!--WARNING:EQUALS SIGNS BREAK THINGS | }}<!--WARNING:EQUALS SIGNS BREAK THINGS | ||
− | NOTICE: If you are editing this and you have not read the instructions on the talk page, your quote will probably not appear.--> | + | NOTICE: If you are editing this and you have not read the instructions on the talk page, your quote will probably not appear.--><noinclude>[[Category:Humor and stories]]</noinclude> |